Twenty-seven days in, and I’ve had a very bittersweet relationship thus far with 2018. So much has happened — I’ve closed two shows, traveled, celebrated birthdays, auditioned a ton, and attended far too many happy hours for my own good. My world is very different than what I’m used to. I’m currently standing in the midst of uncertainty; in a clearing surrounded by a million little different paths I can take with no concrete idea of which ones are meant for me. I’m uncomfortable; not in a good or bad way, just treading unfamiliar waters in almost every aspect of my life.
I paced on a sidewalk in the West Village very loudly sharing these uncertainties on the phone with my mother yesterday morning while I waited for my barre class to begin. I had arrived a little earlier than expected and decided to play catch-up with her on the street rather than stretch upstairs. And as I’m boldly expressing these unfamiliar feelings, I turn to see a woman passing me as she walks towards Sixth Avenue wearing a tasteful fur coat. Our eyes met as she smiled at me. Though polite, her expression was also kind; as if she was using it to say, “I get it, girl. I’ve been you before, and it’s going to be fine.” And in that moment, as she glided by and continued around the corner in her beautiful coat and sensible pumps, my body went numb. Though we had never met in person, I had seen this woman many times before.
Sarah Jessica Parker.
Carrie Frickin’ Bradshaw.
In a moment of spilling my guts about the inner-workings of my twenty-something brain, my spirit animal, hero, and fictional guru walked right by me, smiled kindly, and effortlessly shared through her expression that everything was going to be okay. I was so massively speechless that I had completely forgotten what I was talking about, and my mother had to snap me back into our conversation with a few “hello?”‘s before I could tell her what had just happened. “Well if that’s not a sign that you’re heading in the right direction, I don’t know what is,” she said.
Isn’t it wild that one moment, one sign, one glance from a stranger can change your entire perspective? We get so caught up in the details, the analyzing, the what-ifs that sometimes we need to release the need to know what’s coming next, look at how far we’ve come from where we’ve already been, and trust that where we’re going is right.
I hope one day I can look back on twenty-six-year-old Tara pacing on the Manhattan streets the way Carrie Bradshaw looked at me yesterday; with hope and certainty and the reassurance that where I am now is so crucial to the journey towards where I’ll be.
So many roads, so many detours. So many choices, so many mistakes. As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda shoulda woulda, buckle up and just keep going.